So you want to buy AI for your company

A satirical guide to choosing enterprise AI that rattles through a dizzying list of fictional model names and benchmark scores, from Gemini 4 Hydrogen and Claude Sonnet 5.5 to GPT-6.0 Terra versus Sol, GLM 5.3 Flash, Qwen 3.8 MoE and Kimi K. It mixes real tools like Claude Code, Cursor, Ollama and Continue with invented ones, warning that Sol's extra 0.9 points cost $14,000 a month and that Grok should be removed from auto-selection. The piece ends by suggesting most laypeople just use the free ChatGPT tier, or Argon, or wait for Hydrocarbon.