Satirical piece invents fictional model names and benchmark scores for an AI procurement guide
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A satirical piece about enterprise AI procurement puts fictional models such as Gemini 4 Hydrogen, Claude Sonnet 5.5, Opus 5.2, and GPT-6.0 Terra on the shelf, along with benchmark scores like 94.8, 98.2, and 99.1. The content is presented in the form of a "buying guide," using nonexistent model names and benchmark scores to mimic the selection rhetoric used when enterprises procure AI.
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- Hacker News AISo you want to buy AI for your company
A satirical guide to choosing enterprise AI that rattles through a dizzying list of fictional model names and benchmark scores, from Gemini 4 Hydrogen and Claude Sonnet 5.5 to GPT-6.0 Terra versus Sol, GLM 5.3 Flash, Qwen 3.8 MoE and Kimi K. It mixes real tools like Claude Code, Cursor, Ollama and Continue with invented ones, warning that Sol's extra 0.9 points cost $14,000 a month and that Grok should be removed from auto-selection. The piece ends by suggesting most laypeople just use the free ChatGPT tier, or Argon, or wait for Hydrocarbon.
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